In case you've been living in an underground sewer fending off herds of mole people over the past week or so, it appears celebrities everywhere have traded in their Fiji water bottles for Break Up Before the Holidays water...bottles.... I don't think that made much sense, but I haven't been in school in 7 months cut me some slack.
It's not even the obvious couples like Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift (I mean really... what the fuck is that pairing). It's mostly couples I don't care about like Ryan Reynolds and Scarjo or David Thewlis and Anna Friel (not that I dislike them; I just always forget they were ever together in the first place aka zzzzzz).
but then something terrifying/magical happened: Hollywood's Latest Golden Couple (move over Brangelina... or actually don't since they're done I guess) called it quits. That's right ladies and other ladies reading this, Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens said Bye Bye Bye to their 4 year relationship.
|the fence in this photo signifies the emotional barrier that is probably what ultimately destroyed their relationship|
but then my shame starts to seep in and I realize that Zac and Vanessa are actually people beyond their celeb status and they're probably pretty torn up about the break up, at least a little, and while I'd settle for being Zac's rebound girl (I've seriously thought this all through), it is kind of sad to see Zanessa Gone.
|this is probably all Justin Timberlake's fault|
Once my initial shock wore off, and my delusions of unicorn utopias faded into the recesses of my troubled mind, the panic started to sink in. I remembered how my plan was to get famous (somehow; plenty of people without talent are doing it, why not me) by the time they broke up and then swoop in with tissues and hair extensions, descending upon Zac Efron like a ravenous vulture. I thought I'd have a few more years before they ended things, but of course not, the universe is out to get me and make sure I never get my goddamn well deserved Disney Prince.
|the photo proves he is every bit as heroic and charming as the media wants me to believe|
I have to admit I'm impressed with how well they're publicly handling the break-up. Confirmation of the rumor, and that's it. It's probably because their love is so pure and all that shit. The timing just wasn't right; the relationship ran its course; Zac Efron realized I'm here waiting, etc.
I know there are plenty of people out there judging me for thinking these thoughts because it's like who cares! celebrities are just people! I'm so cool and unaffected! I don't even own a television what's the internet!! but whatever I am the first person to admit I am not above celebrity gossip (have you read my blog?). and I will never be above Zefron related gossip, news, movies or music.
because dammit Zac Efron, God really did spend a little more time on you.