|my idea of paradise|
While your friends were busy finding internships, jobs, extracurricular activities, etc. you were busy watching hours of Criminal Minds on your computer or stuffing your face with macarons until you started choking on your own saliva. You also did a lot of retail therapy and crying. You spent your last year of college making sure you were as unprepared as humanly possible once the real world came knocking at your door. Somewhere in the distant recesses of your mind you knew it was a bad idea to leave everything until after college, but you made excuses for yourself like "I'm going to do open-mics when I get back and become famous who needs a clear life-path" or "I'm going to be famous somehow using the internet even though I have no particular skills or talents" or "I'm going to start a blog!"
It became a growing concern after a while, but instead of facing the problem you decided to ignore it away with cookies and shopping. You slowly devolved into a lesser version of yourself, only leaving your apartment to go to class or scope out local shops to find out their peak hours of floor traffic, in order to avoid as many people as possible. After months of sloth-like behaviors and smells, you decided to be productive by waking up at 730am and going to the gym since fewer people would be there, torturing themselves, at 8am and go straight to class afterward. This stopped after a few weeks.
But sometimes you have to make something out of nothing. I've had less than nothing to write about these past few days because it just hit me that I've been doing less than nothing since my junior year of college. That's when the world came to a slow and I decided against moving it forward. Because it's easier to do nothing when you're scared. but am I really still throwing myself pity parties? This is America -- How many other places even have king sized bags of Swedish Fish?
It's time to wake up. To wake up and realize that alcohol as a social lubricant is not always going to be readily available to me. I'm not famous enough for that yet. and I'll never get there if I keep wallowing in self-pity.